Country Folk is
Smart
by
D.J. Garcia
Now I’se a country boy
and I don’t know much
‘bout nothin’,
But Boy, I tell you what,
them city folk is sho’ sumthin’.
Just the other day
my cousins come from Phoenix,
it was Aunt Sally and Uncle John,
and dadgum Dean and Jay.They come up through the gate,
and they dint waste no time,
They started makin’ fun
at the drop of this here dime.Why they gotta mock the country life?
These here parts is dang nice.Down by the crick, over that-there hill,
lives one happy family
alongside the hay field.
Up on that-there hill top
sits a little white house
where lives Vern and Velma
and everybody else.Ol’ JimBob and Willy,
that’s where they stay.
Ol’ Willy’s a rascal
and JimBob plays pranks.
Just the other day
he shot filthy Frank.Further on down,
next to the brook,
lives Grandad and Granny.
Ol’ Granny sure can cook.Further down the crick
is real perty country.
We’s got corn fields, orchards,
and bees and honey.
I love these here parts;
Boy, I really do.
At last year’s Christmas
Granny fixed her stew.
I love that possum stew,
Boy, I really do.She mixes it with gizzards
and puts it on to brew.
Sho’ ain’t nothin’ gooder
than the way them critters brew.
She adds last week’s leftovers,
and it becomes a stew.Now let me tell ya sumthin’
‘bout last year’s Christmas stew.
Aunt Sally’s family dint eat it;
them city folk is rude.They said they dint like it;
they dint like the way it tasted.
Now, how the heck they know
they dint put none on they plate?They’se always talkin’ trash
and always makin’ fun.
Somebody might outta tell em’
that they’se the ones that’s dumb.Jay’s briches is too short,
and Dean’s hat is put on wrong.
They listen to this music
called rappin’ all day long.
There ain’t no guitar,
just some people babblin’.
It don’t make no sense,
but it’ll keep ya laughin’.
They talks of money and ho’s,
but they ain’t even gots a garden.Now Grandad likes his heifers milked,
so he asked Ol’ Dean and Jay.
Ol’ Dean grabbed the bucket,
and they headed on they way.‘Bout half an hour later
we all heard a scream.
That doggone steer
knocked Dean right off his feet.Now I couldn’t believe it,
He tugged his tallywhacker.
Them stupid city folk,
there sho’ ain’t nothin’ sadder.They work here every summer
and still can’t dig a ditch.
Aunt Sally is they Ma’,
that woman is a...nice gal.
Well not really,
but least she can milk a cow.Now I know we’s nitty gritty,
and we might be nothin’ nice,
but in the inner city
they be cheatin’ on they wives.
Now I know it must be true,
‘cause Uncle John did it twice.Uncle John ain’t got no brain;
he traded it fo’ a sexatary.
Why he need a sexatary
if be happily married?Uncle John, he’s a fool,
he carries a machine.
Everywhere he goes
he brings that dadgum thing.He types all day
even at the table,
and then wonders why
his family’s so unstable.Dean and Jay’s my cousins
and Ma says I gots to love em’.
They’se all right I guess,
but Boy they sho’ is stubborn.Them weird ol’ city folk,
they think the city’s great.
As fo’ me and JimBob,
we likes to bail hay.They come here fo’ the summers,
and still prefer them gutters.
Now I don’t know much
‘bout nothin’,
but them city folk is dumber.